it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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