I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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