first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
