I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
