carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
