I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
