I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
