I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
