I just made out with a guy for $7.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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