Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
