I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sober January is a disaster.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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