It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
