I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
