none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
