Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
