It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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