I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
