dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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