Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Farmville is her only friend.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
