these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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