Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
MIDGETS
????
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
