Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
