We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
