he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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