He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize