i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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