alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
