so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
