and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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