Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
