i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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