Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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