We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
