Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
