she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
