True but thats because hes a fetus.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
