I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His nipple licking is glorious
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