FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
