you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
