i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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