After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
