So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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