The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
