If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
