Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
