Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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