I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
