You don't have asthma, your pregnant
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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