sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
