i already hear my dad disowning me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
