Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
