I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
