Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
