i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
