my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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