After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
