I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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