Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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