True but thats because hes a fetus.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
