i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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