Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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