I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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