It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
